Latymer 1st XI (!!!!) away to Unknown (lost 2-1)

After our last performance I was really geared up to play and looking forward to Sunday's match eagerly. I think it's really important to let momentum work its magic where possible and I was dreaming of the Vet's first win of the season. Imagine my dismay when Lev's email pinged into my inbox on the Thursday with information that our game had been postponed due to a problem with the opponent's pitch...Well pissed off. I think you can safely say my weekend was ruined.

I informed Ewelina that I had a football-free weekend and we agreed to 'do something' on the Saturday and 'go somewhere' on the Sunday...

So there I was working away quite happily at my desk in the office on Friday, having put aside my annoyed feelings at there being no game when the email came. I had to read it twice just to make sure I wasn't seeing things - all I got the first time was goal-keeping crisis, Saturday, and first team... but the slower read revealed that Pete Collop (first team skipper) was getting in touch as he had a major problem for their match on the Saturday as he had no goal keeper and could I, (would I) step in and help out?! I was only being called up into the fucking first team!!! I nearly fell over!

I now know how newbies to the England squad feel when they first get the call because my first thought was "this is a wind-up", followed by "fuck", followed by "is he mental?" A closer examination led me to believe this was genuine and I have to be honest the ego took a massive leap. Then all the insecurities kicked in and I had to ask myself if I was really going to be good enough. I consoled myself that a goal keeper of sorts was better than no goal keeper at all and was really just chuffed to be asked.

My mind flashed to the likes of Paul Robinson and Ben Foster who lately had retired themselves from England duty and I thought to myself they must be nuts. Here I was getting a chance with the first team of the club I play for and it felt great. Any opportunity that presents itself shouldn't be snuffed at and whilst this ain't England, for me it was a great call-up to receive. The game was in bloody Roehampton so was going to be a bit of a trek but I was mega up for it. Ewelina is an absolute diamond because she had no problem with me breaking our plans and I was cleared to play.

I wasn't really too sure of what to expect so I went along telling myself just to be confident and do my best. The journey over was long, as expected, but I got there in good time and was given a real genuine welcome by Pete and all of the first team lads, including a nice patter of applause before the game started when Pete introduced me as the team was read out. I half-expected them to be older but I'd say the average age must be about 22. All the boys were great towards me from start to finish and this was a massive help to me because I didn't want to let them down and I didn't want to make a fool of myself with any stupid, costly mistakes.I hoped my experience would help me to deal with what I perceived would be a higher standard of football and I also hoped it wouldn't be me who was the weak link.

The first team had played our opponents and won a couple of weeks earlier in a league match (no pressure)and this was a cup game. We only had a bare eleven so it seemed we were up against it right from the start.

I did my usual pre-match "I'm useless at goal-kicks so somebody needs to take them" spiel, and I was set.

Deep breath....

The first half was a fairly even affair. What I didn't want was to concede at all but especially not early. I had a few early touches - nothing too strenuous, but I was a bit embarrassed when my first two kicks out of my hands were terrible. This part of my game has massively improved of late but I totally screwed up with flat, life-less efforts that made me look a right twat. I think it was nerves. My kicking did get much better after that and I feel I did make up for those early shit attempts with some solid long, high balls right down their back-four's throats.

I dealt with a cross-shot that was a bit of a grass-cutter well as well as free-kick from distance that was well on target to my top left. I saw it in plenty of time and got a solid body behind the ball. I was impressed with our play as the first team definitely know how to play football. They are very industrious and work hard for each other. Our back four were solid with our full-backs James and Paul (I think that was our left-backs name - sorry if that's wrong) getting forward as much as possible and both Mark and John at centre-back, excellent at snuffing out danger as well as being great on the ball. In the midfield both wingers, Jamie and Jordan were nippy little beggars who were causing problems in the opponents full-back areas and Pete and Mark in the middle of the park didn't stop running. Our forwards, Aaron and Leon were both a bit of a handful so I felt we could certainly nick a goal.

Sadly, it was us who conceded first. The ball looped over from the left and caused a bit of a mix-up on the edge of my area. The ball fell to their striker who fired it past my left hand in to the net. It wasn't a great shot and I got a flick of a finger on it. Could I have stopped it? Possibly.

Our boys continued chipping away at their defence and the flowing, passing football that they were working hard with finally paid off only a few minutes after we lost that goal. A great move saw the ball pass accross our back four before Jamie was released down the right wing. His superb delivery across their box found Aaron who managed to slide a foot on the ball and into the bottom corner. It was no more than we deserved and I felt we could go on from here and get the win. Minutes later a similar break across my box box for the opposition saw the ball land at the feet of their striker. His shot was low and hard and was flying into my bottom right corner. Somehow, I reacted well enough to dive down and get strong hand on it to turn it round the post. It was a super stop and one I was mega chuffed with. It kept us level and added to my growing confidence.

We got to the break at 1-1 and it was all to play for in the second half.

We brought Ash on at centre-back and I have to say it's been a while since I saw a player with such a strong presence and who was so good on the ball. We were so dominant in that second half and probed and prodded the ball so much that I was kept pretty quiet. The pleasin thing for me was the level of my handling. Three or four time I had high balls both across my six yard line and straight down my throat which I claimed confidently and with a loud scream of 'Keepers!!' I was coming right off my line and getting to everything - the Vet's lads would have been amazed!

The sucker-punch was when on one of their rare forays on our goal the ball was cut back to easily thirty yards outside my box and their left back just simply ran on to it and wolloped it like an exorcet straight on goal. it was well wide of me giving me zero chance to do a thing about it as it smashed the underside of my bar and flew in to the net in the top left corner. I think the lad was more surprised than anyone (he hadn't had a good game at all) and we were gutted. 2-1 down.

There was still a good 25 minutes left and we had so much of the ball it was ridiculous. But alas, we just couldn't find the equalizer. We had three decent free kicks on goal, the best of which saw young Jordan smash the crossbar and then fall agonisingly away to safety. It was just one of those games where we didn't deserve to lose - but did.

It wiuld have been nice to have gone to extra time and then even penalties (goal keepers love them because it's the chance to be the hero and all that) but we trudged off at full-time more than just a touch deflated.

I thoroughly enjoyed my first team experience and was really pleased that I had made no serious errors and had actually put in a solid display.

But my heart lies with the Vets. The club have taken me in to their fold and I'll always step in and play where ever I'm asked if there's no Vets game on the Sunday, but I remain desperate and committed as ever to help the 'overs' grab their first win of season and then hopefully more after that.

I thanked Pete and the boys for the game - I am sure they will do really well this season. A super bunch of lads (Latymer as a club seem to attract great lads throughout the entire club actually) and once again I thank them for welcoming me.

In tru blog spirit I'll add a look-a-like. Young James Bentley, who chatted to me quite a bit and was a top bloke towards me played at right back and then switched to left back in the second half. As soon as I met him he reminded me of Wayne Bridge....James turned out to be a very good full back too so mayber they're related...?

Latymer Vets (home fixture) V Garston Vets - lost 4-2

With no game last Sunday for the Vets, I wasn't looking forward to two weeks with no match. For me personally, I always find the more I'm playing - the more the chance of improving. So I made myself available to play on Saturday for the club again and was called into the 5's starting eleven. As it turned out, some the opponents pulled out quite late on so the 2's and the 5's were left to mix up the teams and play each other in a 'competitive' friendly on Enfield park. I'd rather play a meaningful game for sure, but this match turned out to be a great work-out and a much needed confidence boost for yours truly. These lads can run and run all day and I have to say I was very impressed with the ability of a lot of the young players on show. Latymer have a lot to be happy about because the standard is getting better and better within the club and the attitude and commitment all round is superb.

The game ended 1-1 although I think we really should have won. Their goal was a penalty and ours was a super diving header from my pal Phil Hartley, who should have had a hat-trick. It set me up perfectly for the Vets next game and like I said - I got a bit of confidence back after a couple of half decent stops.

That feeling of foreboding was in the air again through the week as Sunday approached when Lev's email went out with the familiar plead for players. We were short again it seemed. Sadly, injuries from the last game were still hanging over Jonesy and Nick who were to undergo a 'late fitness test' and with no AK or Shamsey on the team sheet I can only assume their injuries were still sore enough to rule them out all together. Other absences meant we needed to try and recruit more players! I tried to get a couple of pals interested but Damien was busy and I couldn't get a response from Mim. The last thing I think any of us wanted was another whipping - the last two matches were bad enough. Having only a bare eleven meant we could at least put out the correct number to start the game with but then of course with no subs, everyone would be fucked after an hour...And of course we were playing Gartson and Big Sam (he of the four headers and the crack across the back of my head a few weeks ago)! This was actually our home game but we're still waiting on clearance to play in the new stadium at Donkey Lane, so yet again we were at the Met Police ground in Bushey. Garston sit at the top of the league so were probably gagging to play us after our recent shite results.

Getting to the ground is pretty straight forward from Cheshunt but there was a bit of a nasty car accident en route that slowed the traffic on the A1. Thankfully it didn't take long to get past it and even more thankfully there was no-one hurt. Car crashes always put me on edge a little and I was left feeling rather subdued as I went past the incident. The delay meant I ended up arriving at about 10am - still plenty of time but much later than I would usually prefer. Preparation is paramount and all that.

We really were down to the bare eleven for the game and it was interesting to note that of today's team only five started the previous game with two others who had been on the bench last time out. The regular changes in the line-up each week does make it incredibly hard to get any real settled pattern of play together but I guess we'll just have to deal with it as we go along. So with me in goal and Mark, Wrexy, Codz and Scottish John in the back four we had a five-man midfield of Marcello, Dino, Sully and another John (who I was meeting both for the first time) and the other Greg. Matt was the lone ranger up front. We half expected Adam and Jonesy but alas they didn't make it and Nick, whilst he did make it to the game, was clearly unable to play as he was still hobbling around. With no Lev(!) either, Nick became Kenny Dalglish for the day.

Garston were clearly going to have a game plan that revolved around getting the ball behind our full-backs for their wingers to cross for Big Sam's head. We knew that from past experiences. But did that past experience make a blind bit of difference...?

Well, constant reader, yes - it bloody-well-did!

The master-stroke of the day was playing Codz at Centre-Back. Codz is by far our tallest player but not only that he's bloody brilliant in the air! Also, for a tall feller, he can play football!! Twinkle-toed and calm and collected on the ball, my opinion is that this team need Codz at the back whenever possible. I'm not sure if it's his favoured position and he'll probably thump me for these comments but hey-ho. Today he was absolutely superb and stuck to Big Fat Sam like glue, beating him to nearly every ball and stopping him scoring a single goal.

The truth is that everyone played well today but the back four were immense. Wrexy put in tackle after tackle and swept up everything and Scottish John and Mark as full-backs, held the line brilliantly.

The first half though was a bit of an on-slaught as Garston flooded forward trying to slice us down their wings as well as through the middle. We definitely rode our luck on more than one occasion and in terms of possession, we certainly had less of the ball than them. It was difficult to get a series of passes together and we rarely threatened their goal. But we held our shape and were digging deep to try and stop them as much as we could. Our best chance in the first half was a bit of a scramble in their box and I think our shot was cleared off their line (it's always hard to see from where I'm stood folks!)

Early on Wrexy tried to power a header wide of my left post to clear the danger only for the ball to fly at my goal and well on-target! Fortunately, I saw it in good time and was able to get across and actually hold the save. Phew! It actually served as a bit of a confidence builder for me so cheers for that Wrexy...

In truth, Garston had their chances to score with several efforts on goal that either went over or well-wide but at one point Big Sam had managed to pull out wide and as the ball came to his feet I was well pleased to smother his point blank shot on goal. One nil to me Mr Fat Twat! Ha!

Gartson's pressure led to an endless stream of corners which they put into my box with scary accuracy. Big Sam clattered the bar with one header (I like to think that my leap into his side put him off so two-nil to me) but in the end they finally made one count. Then two. And then three...

We must have got to half an hour before they finally scrambled the bar over my line with a header from the corner and I seriously thought we'd cave in. More corners followed and I even managed to get a punch on one, but 2-0 came with yet another header. They made it three with a carbon copy of the first two as the ball flew over to the back post and their lad climbed all over Scottish John to power another header into my net. We were pissed off because all three goals were identical. Big Sam hadn't scored but three of his bloody pals had.

At half-time it was pleasing that everyone was really positive and it just felt that the boys had decided that they weren't going to lie down and die. We'd suffered two heavy back-to-back defeats already and I don't think the lads were going to stand for another.

The pace and effort and pure commitment in the second half was just a whole new level for us. The amount of talking and tackling and running was so impressive. Yes, there were more corners for Garston but we finally managed to deal with these in a much better, more organised fashion and we actually caused them a lot of problems. Dino was playing a blinder in midfield and Matty up front was holding the ball up so well to try and bring our lads into the play. It wasn't easy but our efforts were well rewarded with a goal mid-way through the half when one of our lads was hauled down about six or seven yards outside their box. Garston have the tendency to be a bit bloody dirty so it was really pleasing when Matt stepped up and stroked the ball into the bottom left corner. A massive amount of credit must go to Dino though because he'd popped himself on the end of the wall blocking their Keeper. As Matt ran up to hit the free-kick Dino basically ploughed to his right, knocking their wall completely over and opening up a lovely space for the strike. Superb stuff. Steve Hodge used to do exactly the same trick for Stuart Pearce at Forest years ago and it was great to see it working for us too.

I have to say that Nick, who was running the line was a massive part of why we performed so well in the second half. He was so positive and never stopped talking and gee-ing us up. It had an effect on all of us and it was great to hear so many voices today.

I was pretty pleased with my own performance too, especially when for once Garston did manage to play their striker in on goal. I came out quickly and as he knocked it round me I kept my eye on the ball and managed to slide accross and claw it from under his feet and grab on to it for dear life!

Of course that feeling of invincibility was shattered when minutes later my goalkeeping gaff of the year occurred. It was fucking silly really - a cross/shot from my right floated past two of theirs and two of ours and evaded several kicks and attempted flicks only to go straight past me into my bottom left corner. I saw it in fucking slow motion and it wasn't even travelling at speed. I should have saved it and I was so hacked off. Garston didn't deserve it at all and I just wanted the ground to open up and snatch me into hell there and then.

As the game ebbed away our boys kept the fighting spirit and yet again, that super special long throw of Matt's did its magic and there was Codz leaping at their near post to get a flick on the ball to make it 4-2. We totally deserved our second goal and indeed to win the second half 2-1 but I had images of us grabbing another and my mistake on their fourth goal being the difference. As it was we didn't score again and the game ended with us all feeling rather elated. Sure, we hadn't won or even gotten the draw but we did prove that we can compete. The mood after our last few games had been one of despair and even embarrassment but here we were finally walking off with a smile on our faces. I've said it before and I'll say it again - we play because we want to enjoy it. And today we did.

Singling individuals out isn't always fair, especially when the whole team have done so well so apologies for harping on about the odd few. But it was doubly pleasing to see Big Sam subbed with about twenty minutes to go and even more funny that Codz, who'd marked him out of the game, actually scored for us.

The best bit was in the bar afterwards when Wrexy told us what had happened to him seconds before the kick-off: He decided that the pitch could "take a stud" and so he removed his moulded boots in favour of normal boots. As he put on his left boot by the side of the pitch he had the most awful pain occur in his left foot. Taking the boot off, a bloody wasp nest fell out of his boot! Wrexy had been strung by probably about three wasps! Instead of rolling around in agony and making a song and dance about it (which is exactly what I would have done) he pulled on his boot, laced it up and played the whole game with a numb left foot! I don't think he could actually feel his foot at all for the first ten minutes of the game! And he played a blinder today...Tough or what?!

The look-a-like section of my blog has got a few of the lads coming up with ideas so by all means if there are any ideas out there I want to hear them. Remember Codz, I've got a special one just for you coming up  - but not just yet...

This week's look-a-like has to go to a man who, although he shouts and screams a lot, is full of blue-blooded Scottish passion. The one and only Braveheart - Scottish John.

And the whole Keeper number thing never really caught on so I've decided to keep the back of my shirt blank until we win our first game - and I'll use the result as my number.

Latymer Vets away @ Met Police (lost 8-2)

A bit late this week - been really busy at work!

So Halloween weekend and our performance, unfortunately, turned out to be a bit of a horror show. Oh it had everything: tantrums, own goals, injuries and even the boys in blue (wearing white...)

We were back at the Met Police ground in Bushey again this week with memories of our previous trip a few weeks earlier when we lost to Garston (who also play there) still fresh in the memory. I even saw 'Big Sam' the Garston centre-forward (four fucking headers!) who had given me the dirty elbow across the back of the head, outside the changing rooms. Bastard!

And there was another new face for me to meet in the form of Simon Mabey. What a character! Where have the Vets been hiding this guy?! A very funny bloke - with twinkle toes it would turn out.

Scottish John was back after missing last week so it was nice to be reunited with my pal, and we actually had a good fourteen players for the game. Sadly, the regular situation of players missing through injury from the week before reared its ugly head as Luffy was absent following last weeks pulled hammy and we also were without Paul which was a shame because I'm sure he would have loved to have added to his two goals in his previous outing.  It was nice to see Codz again who in spite of his physical appearance ( basically he looks like he could cause a few problems in a ruck), is one of the most placid and laid back guys in the team, and Wrexy who admitted before the game that he had heard the Steve McClaren similarity before...

Lev thought we'd have a go with two holding midfielders which saw Nick alongside Codz in the middle of the park with Shamsey out on the left and Jonesy on the right. Personally, I'd have Jonesy down the middle pulling the strings as usual - but that's just me. AK & Lev set up at centre back with Mark and Wrexy either side and Matty was partnered up top with Dino. We also welcomed a new chap called Marcello who started on the bench with the Scotsman and Mabes. I thought we looked pretty strong actually and of course there was the usual pre-match murmurs that 'we gave this lot a good game last year....' Famous fucking last words.

We did our very best but the Met Police do have a decent side - possibly one of the best footballing teams we've played. They pass and move extremely well for each other and had us really chasing them and the ball for pretty much the whole game. The first half was a bit of a tidal wave of continuous pressure but the most pleasing thing was that we actually held out for about thirty five minutes before conceding. Prior to that we properly rode our luck seeing them clatter my bar and me getting in a couple of scrappy saves with my legs. Things weren't helped when AK did his knee pretty early seeing Scottish J coming on and then a poor tackle from one of them saw Shamsey limp off being replaced by debutant, Marcello.

Nick and Codz were at one point almost playing as extra centre backs but finally their tall centre midfielder, a lad called Junior, planted a header into my top corner. We went two down just before half time when a cross from my right was hooked home. Lev thought I could have been on my toes a bit more to perhaps have gotten out to meet the cross and we 'had words' to say the least. I disagreed, but on reflection I have been shit at getting out to balls lately so he may have a point.

Sadly, we couldn't maintain any real sort of defensive 'shut-out' in the second half. Lev took a breather to start with introducing Mabes into Centre Midfield and Nick dropping back. I was assured Mabes was a decent player and I have to say I was impressed. I think he's probably been living all week off the nutmeg he got in tho!

I was gutted for their third goal. All I wanted was a shot on my goal that I could fly across for to make a confidence-boosting stop. When that shot came I saw it all the way, flew across to my right, almost tracking it in slow motion - and promptly missed it as I flapped my hand to push it made. Pissed off doesn't even cover it.

Things seemed a little more optimistic when Codz looped a header over their Keeper to make it 3-1 but we never really looked like we were going to pressure them enough to get back into it properly.

A long deep kick from their Keeper was allowed to bounce and yes maybe I could have stormed out to try and grab it as it headed in to my box. The way I saw it Codz was chasing back shoulder to shoulder with their attacker and had I rushed out it was a hospital ball scenario and would have exposed the my goal for any flick. As it was they ended up scoring anyway and for the second time I had a bit of a rant. I wasn't happy at all - even offering the gloves to 'anyone who wanted to do better!' Once I'd collected my toys back into my pram I felt much better tho!

Our shape was all over the place and things got worse when Jonesy pulled his hammy making a last ditch block on goal. Lev hopped back on but by then it was 5-1 as Codz decided that one goal wasn't enough and powered a header past me. The best came minutes later tho.

I came right out to close down their striker who was clean through for a one-on-one. I was pretty pleased to hold him up and then get down enough to push him far enough to my right so that he literally couldn't get a shot in. He needn't have worried tho because the ball was smashed home in to the top corner by the on-rushing player - who happened to be Scottish John! What a finish - surely it seemed easier to miss? Left foot too....

We lost Nick to injury too (can you believe that? - four players in one game!) and we effectively played with ten men. AK and Shamsey tried to come back on but could hardly walk let alone run.

There seventh was a point blank header but the goal of the game came from the hard-working Matt. I think he was pissed off because he had launched a stunning shot from way out earlier in the second half that had  their Keeper totally beaten - so much so that he was actually applauding the shot that had beaten him. From where I was I could see that it had actually gone in under the bar but the sheer force of it saw the ball bounce straight back out and hit the keeper on the back!! The Ref (who was fucking awful by the way) 'didn't see it' and the goal didn't stand. Matt held the ball up as much as he could all day and put in a proper shift but their cheating lino flagged him twice when clean through when he was definitely on-side. His goal, when it came, was another excellent drive that flew into the top corner - well-deserved too.

I did manage a scrappy leg save onto my post - although Wrexy was kind enough to comment that it was a really decent save. Personally, I was mega fucked-off because I hadn't played well and had also had a couple of tantrums.

There was time for them to grab a cheeky lob as I came out to close their striker who was clean through and the ref put us out of our misery.

So gutted. At least with no fixture the following Sunday it would give players a chance to recover from knocks and scrapes.

I had a good think about this week's look-a-like. Ever since I met Lev I've thought he bears a resemblance to one of the characters off Star Trek - Deep Space Nine....'Odo.' I hope he doesn't get offended!!! (If it helps I've also included a picture of the actual actor in an effort to prove he actually looks like him minus the make-up...)

Sorry Lev!