Latymer Vets home to Southgate (Walkers) lost 0-4

Terrible.

I could just leave this weeks post at that one single solitary word and it would do just about enough to sum up everything that took place on Sunday morning.

It's tempting to just leave it at that but I guess I should grit my teeth and plough on in true blog spirit.

I will make a brief mention for time line purposes that with no Vets game the week before I got asked to play for the 3rd XI on the Saturday. Regulars will know that I'm on a mission now to play for every Latymer team in one season so it was great to add this 'cap' to my collection. Run-outs for the 1st, 2nd and 5th elevens prior to this one had resulted in defeats all round and with no wins for the Vets either this term, I hoped for more joy with these boys. Alas, we were stuffed 8-1 and I'm starting to worry that I'm the common denominator! The 3rd's were a great set of lads but I must admit did lack any real cutting edge. I let in eight so clearly didn't have a decent game either! So I'm waiting eagerly for a chance with the 4th XI before the season's out so I can complete my set. I'll keep you posted.

Back to this week and a home tie against Walkers of Southgate. Odd name - I wondered if they were from the crisp factory or something. Apparently they've undergone a name change in recent times. One might of thought they'd have gone for something a bit more' footbally'...

We had good numbers in terms of personnel too and it was nice to see the likes of Nipper, Phibsey and AK back. Still no Jurgen though!! Poor Nick still can't run but was on the sidelines gee-ing the boys up as usual. Lev chose not to strip-up this week, opting for more of the Mancini role, complete with coat and scarf.

Mark as ever slotted in at left back with Wrexy back too this week on the right. Codz and Scottish John completed our back four, playing behind a midfield of Nipper, Dino and Jonesy who had a brand new centre midfield partner as we welcomed Mark Jones to the club.

This caused a bit of a stir before the game because Mark, apparently, used to play for Southampton!

Lev broke the news to me before the game (I'm always the first to arrive - too keen!!) but played it down because "it was only one game, but I have it on good authority that he did definitely play for Saints first team." I was suitably impressed. So was everyone else.....

Paul and Sully started up front to complete our line up with AK and Phibsey starting on the bench. Matty got his boots on too, I think more test the ankle than anything else. He didn't end up coming on but it gave us all a lift to see him back so soon after that nasty twist. Maybe it was wise not to put it to the test just yet - we'd have all hated for him to any damage so soon.

When I said terrible at the very start of this post, it wasn't in an attempt to be negative or nasty, but I'll say it again - that really is the only way to describe how we started the game. We really didn't get going at all and allowed them to put us under unnecessary pressure. Walkers are a good team and have some very useful players but we did ourselves no favours at all.

We went 1-0 down from a sloppy corner. The ball flew over from my right after an initial clearance and met their chaps flicked header. The ball flew past me before I even has a chance to get moving. The game was only five minutes old but I genuinely think that killed us. We had no response. No answer. I was gutted that we just couldn't find our feet.

We were having a bad day at the office - made worse on ten minutes when a wee mix up at the back (the Scotsman held his hands up very quickly for the error) allowed their player to pull the ball onto his right foot to drive it low and hard past my diving left hand. 2-0 and it felt like we'd been punched - as it turns out the punch was to come later on!

Then the fun and games started. Walkers have a bit of a reputation for being quite rough and more than a little physical. Our boys were getting properly but fairly stuck in and there was more than one or two crunching tackles that made me think we might be able to get ourselves back into the match. Then Codz made a bit of a late one across the back of the legs of their number seven and this was the first in a series of farcical incidents involving their man. Number seven was a big bulky chap with no hair who looked more like a boxer than a footballer (are you picking up on the sub-text yet folks?) but to be fair he was a very good player. It turns out he's a fireman as he even had his own fan-club from the brigade down complete with big shiny fire engine! So I guess we'll have to call him Fireman Sam. But my my - what a temper. Poor Codz tried to apologise but Fireman Sam simply wouldn't have it. He wanted to fight Codz there and then. I mean he was losing it mega quickly. I haven't seen anything like it for ages - certainly not at Vets level. He eventually calmed down and our wall did their job at blocking the free-kick

Lasty and Lasty was trying to tell him off etc. In the end the Ref had no choice but to order him off the pitch into the 'sin bin' for five minutes to cool off. Oh the joys of Vets football - we have rugby style sin bins for stroppy players! In a friendly league like ours I think it is a good idea but generally the game is played in the right spirit that you never see any problems anyway. Certainly not red cards....(oh yes, I'm getting to that!)

With no Fireman Sam they were down to ten men for five minutes but it wasn't long enough to give us a chance to take advantage. We did get the ball in the back of the net in the first half but that was ruled off-side. Another ugly incident in the scramble to get the ball in saw Sully have his hand stamped on by another one of them. I've never seen him so angry. I thought Sully was going to kill him!

Before the break there was another foray in to our box as Walkers threatened to score again. Their player danced around two of ours and just touched it heavily enough for me to dash out and make a diving point blank smother as he shot on goal. Pleasing as ever to make the save. Like I always say - saves breed confidence.

In spite of our poor show we were only two down at half time and knew that we if we could get a break we'd be back in the game. Phibsey came on for Nipper and we certainly made an improved effort as a team into the second half. We didn't get out of third gear the whole game but we did carve out two ideal chances to score and draw level, firstly as Paul created an opportunity for himself by nut-megging two of their lads and leaving them for dead before firing straight at the Keeper in a one-on-one, and then Phibsey did the same thing not long after when it seemed easier to score.

Turning points? Who can say but 2-2 makes it a different story.

Frustratingly, we shot ourselves in the foot as Codz tried to usher out the ball for a throw only for their winger to nick it off him and fire it accross for their striker to pull it away from a flying tackle to smash it past me.

I'll make a mention of my only other moment of goalkeeping glory - we were cut open down our left and Fireman Sam feinted a shot but instead passed it to his mate. I scrambled accross and got a foot on a point blank shot to send it wide. A good stop.

Not long after it was 4-0. Fireman Sam stayed level enough to beat the offside trap to recieve the ball and knock it past me as were were one-on-one. We were dead. Buried.

AK had come on for Scottish John before their fourth goal and Fireman Sam and he had what it seems were a series of minor clashes. Nothing serious and nothing to get het up over. But this is Fireman Sam we're talking about, he of sin-bin shame and fiery temper. AK wasn't going to get involved in a slagging match so chose just to laugh at him. That's right Constant Reader, laugh. Not swear or spit or insult or hit. Laugh.

This was enough though to send Fireman Sam bonkers. He wanted to hit AK and do him a bit serious damage. He even took his shirt off! I honestly thought it was going to kick off and ran all the way to the halfway line where it was taking place, not cos I'm a hero but all for one and all that...

Thankfully someone did step in front of the Fireman but in my opinion, his team didn't do anywhere near enough to calm him down. Maybe they were shit scared of him too. Eventually, the Ref had no choice but to actually pull out the red card and send him off. This caused even more outrage and finger waving and everything else. I even thought he was going to hit the Ref!! There was a kids match on the pitch next to ours with loads of parents on the sidelines. The looks of sheer shock and horror at what they were witnessing were comical but they were right cos it was fucking embarrassing.

Twenty minutes later the game ended 0-4 and we hoped that Fireman Sam had had time to calm down. Yeah right!

He came looking for AK and was intent on a fight. I genuinely couldn't believe it. He had to be pulled away and eventually headed for the changing rooms....where he waited and waited.

Sadly, AK did get a punch off of Fireman Sam. I missed it as I was following with some of our lads but when we heard we that he'd waited for AK and still wanted a fight and did manage a punch we were all disgusted. What can you say?! You just don't expect it at our age and I think for a bloke who works as a fireman to behave in such a way is appalling. I was involved in a bad car crash on the M25 in 2007 and within minutes the fire service were there looking after me and doing their job to keep me safe and clear the road of my wrecked Mondeo. These guys do an absolute stunning job and are real heroes every day and I think we all supported them a few years back when there was a dispute over pay. I hope this guy realizes how much of a plank he was and that this was no way for anyone to behave let alone a member of such a notable public service.

The kick in the teeth came in the bar after. Their skipper came over to apologise but then went on to say "but you did wind him up!" I couldn't believe it. He was almost condoning the fact that Fireman Sam had every right to wait to punch AK at the changing rooms. No amount of winding up (and don't forget folks, all Andy did was laugh) deserves that. What happens on the pitch stays on the pitch. We don't play on a Sunday to have to deal with the possible threat of violence.

One of their lads approached me in the bar and strangely commended me for my blog! How on earth it's been found by any one else in our league is a mystery and I guess it should prompt me to watch what I say but if this does make it's way to any of our opponents from last Sunday - thanks for the game but do something about your player before someone gets hurt.

Sorry for this week's post to end up as a blow by blow (pun) account of the rumble at Donkey Lane guys. More football next time. Hopefully....

There can only be one look-a-like this week:

Latymer Vets home to Met Police (lost 1-4)

So the 'winter break' and Christmas came and went in a flash and our first game of the new year saw us line up at home against possibly the best team in the division in the form of The Met Police, who had given us a bit of a spanking in the reverse fixture at their place in October.

It was nice to be back and we found ourselves finally using the brand new changing rooms at Donkey Lane. I'm not quite sure why they have this odd policy of teams using these huge lock-up cages for their bags but it all seemed a bit like the blind leading the blind.

The game itself was a bit of a beauty and it was great to see that our improving form hadn't been interrupted by the two week break. OK, so we're still losing but it makes a massive difference if the manner of the defeat is one that sees us battle and have a go and lose to teams narrowly, rather than our previous habit of rolling over and shipping eight-plus goals. We're causing teams problems now and maybe they're turning up thinking they've won already...

Nick-the-skipper was still out of action with the same ankle problem that he picked up against this lot in the away game and of course Matt was never going to be ready to play after his rather nasty ankle turn in the last game before Xmas. It was really great to see him and AK arrive towards the end of the game thought to cheer (or heckle?!!) the lads on!

No Wrexy or Flying Scotsman either so Lev, took up the spare Centre-Back slot alongside Lord Codz with Adam and Mark as ever in at full-back. Our midfield was looking pretty solid too actually as we welcomed back Luffy and Pete on the flanks and a new partner for Jonesy in the middle in the form of someone I hadn't met before called Swailsey. I have to say we haven't looked so good through the middle of the park all season. Swailsey was a proper in-yer-face sort of terrier who was always looking for the ball in the same way Jonesy always does. The pair of them worked in tandem to dominate the play for much of the first half. Swailsey was getting proper stuck in with a few suspect tackles and was constantly asking for the ball short from me where ever possible. The difference and influence on the rest of the team was a positive one. Paul and Sully up front completed the line up.

I thought we were going to be in for a real rough ride as the game got underway as the Old Bill passed and passed and passed some more. We didn't actually touch the ball for the first five minutes!

And then we scored....

It came out of a lovely break from our midfield pair and the ball found its way to Paul who rather neatly nut-megged their giant centre-half just inside their half, took a couple of strides forward and literally smashed it into the top left corner from about thirty yards. Their Keeper was nowhere. I have to say, when we do score they do tend to be gems and I think this one has to stand as our goal of the season so far.

Yes, there was pressure on my goal. I was please to get a flick of a glove on a long range shot that smashed my bar and then to drop really quickly to stop and hold a close range effort as their lad was put through.

The equaliser was a bit of soft one when it did come. The ball was sliced straight between our back two and as I rushed out to the edge of the area their striker got their first and did enough to touch it round me and in.

Even so, we kept plugging away and Paul made their Keeper work with another decent shot that he just put round the post.

The Cozzers have this bloke called Junior who I think is some sort of ex semi-pro. He ran the show when we played them at their place and was pulling their strings again this time. I have to say his goal was quality to make it 2-1 to them. He managed to work his way to the top left of my box and was cutting in to approach one-on one with yours truly. As I came out to close the angle he deftly chipped the ball high and it floated over me into the top right hand corner. I had no chance. Bastard!

We definitely felt we could get something from the game at half time and the attitude was first class from everyone. I just hoped we wouldn't fold,...

The pressure was more intense on my goal but I still felt we were coping well enough to possibly nick a draw. We had real spell around their box when we asked all the right questions but just couldn't get the ball over the line. This was summed up when, from our corner, the ball landed plum on the edge of their box in front of Swailsey. As he hit it it looped up and was gliding straight into the top right hand corner.  We all knew it was a superb goal - until out of nowhere their Keeper appeared, flying across to his right to get both sets of finger-tips on it to push it on to the bar. How he saved it I'll never know, especially as he wasn't the tallest of Keepers. I think he spent the rest of the game in a daze re-living that save over and over again - I know I would have!! Fair play to the lad - it was a real turning point because if Swailsey had scored it would have been game well and truly on. Poor Swailsey screamed with frustration - I don't think he could quite believe it either.

I had my own moment in the second half too when Mr.ex-pro, Junior stormed into my box and smashed a cross shot past my left hand. As it was going into the bottom corner I was really chuffed to get very strong hand on it to clip it round my left post. I had another point blank block to savour against Junior in the last ten minutes but by that point they had scored their third. It was quite late in the game, (last fifteen minutes I think) when they finally broke down their right and managed to get the ball across for their lad to fire home from twelve yards. It finished us off.

The fourth was with seconds to go. Junior danced into the box and took it round me - as I flayed an arm to try and knock it away he pulled it back for his pal to smash in from two yards out.

I don't like losing - who does? - but I can handle it a whole lot more when we put in that kind of performance.  We will win soon - I can feel it. Just a little more luck and the rub of the green to go our way and we're there.

This week's look-a-like has to be Swailsey. He reminded me of this crazy little Tasmanian Devil, scrapping with everyone and winning everything all game. Certainly our man-of-the-match!